threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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