just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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