my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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