I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
