i wish starbucks made bloody marys
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
