Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
