Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
