It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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