I will die if light touches me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
