It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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