in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
