Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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