at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
being pregnant is like rehab
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
