You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
