he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
