So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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