there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
