Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
