I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
