So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
