after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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