we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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