So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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