I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
