Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
