My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
