The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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