No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
