my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
