Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
