Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
