I wish I could teleport
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
