Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
