worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
