On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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