There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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