Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
