You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
