My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
