I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
