Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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