Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
