do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
