did you get engaged???
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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