he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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