i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
