I want to have your abortion
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
