I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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