So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
