I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
