if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
